


I'm Fine

by Bubbybear1111



Category: Red Dead Redemption (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, Arthur Whump, Depressed Arthur Morgan, Don't copy to another site, Gen, Hopeful Ending, Hosea's Actual A+ Parenting, Hurt Arthur Morgan, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, JUST, There are several implications of a lot of things, This is why the ending is the way it is, bear with me, get ready yall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-18
Updated: 2019-05-18
Packaged: 2020-03-07 05:35:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18866779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bubbybear1111/pseuds/Bubbybear1111
Summary: Hosea worries, and Arthur is acting off.





	I'm Fine

Arthur Morgan wasn’t one to share his feelings, everyone knew that, and everyone accepted it. The man was one of a steel heart and easy face, something the older members of the gang knew was due to the way he’d grown up. That didn’t stop people worrying about him, though.

Each member worried in their own way. Dutch gave Arthur a journal to keep his thoughts so he didn’t have to keep them all in his head. Hosea bought him a set of pencils so he could draw with them instead of using a knife. Mrs. Grimshaw found him a satchel to put things he liked inside. Karen had stolen him a camera to take pictures of things he liked. John had made him a book to store those pictures of the things he liked.

Even in their own way, everyone worried. But over time, as the camp grew, the worrying lessened. People sometimes asked how he was getting on, and sometimes they’d ask him to come with them alone so they could see if there was any water under their foundation. Other than that, nobody worried.

Almost nobody.

Because Hosea worried.

Hosea had been there in the beginning when Arthur was at his worst. He’d witnessed the boy grow up trying to forget the abuse he’d endured as a child. He’d watched the man grow cold after Eliza and Isaac had died. He’d watched and noticed and knew. And he was still worried.

Years after everything, not any incident in site, Hosea Matthews saw that his son was not okay.

It came out of nowhere, or so he thought. One week Arthur was laughing and drinking by the fire and the next he was either off on his own or holed up in his tent. A mix of emotions had formed themselves in the young man’s eyes. One moment it was hatred and anger, and the next it was sorrow and hurt.

Hosea first asked Dutch if he’d seen the change in their son. Of course he hadn’t. For a man that could carry the world on his shoulders and shrug at him with the cockiest of smiles, he was an utter idiot. Never noticed a thing.

He then asked Mrs. Grimshaw. She’d noticed he was off but didn’t seem too concerned. After all he’d had a cough not only a month ago.

After that Hosea asked several more gang members, and they all said they weren’t worried because Arthur was the strongest of them all. Hosea would’ve smiled if he hadn’t been so concerned.

Then he tried to talk to confront Arthur himself about the issue. Unsurprisingly the young man said he was fine, leaving Hosea annoyed and even more worried than before.

 

~

 

The days that followed he noticed Arthur getting worse. He stopped waking up at the crack of dawn, instead waking up after everyone had left to do their own business so, presumably, he could do his own. Hosea also noticed that Arthur’s eyes had grown red and puffy around the edges, something that immediately set him on edge. The young man usually never cried.

The last thing that Hosea noticed was that Arthur spent more time in his journal, drawing with the pencils Hosea had bought him all that time ago.

“Arthur.” Hosea sat down next to his son and leaned against the giant oak tree behind them.

“Hosea,” Arthur replied as he closed his journal, hands placed protectively over it.

“What’s wrong, son?” Hosea got a glance, but nothing more.

“Nothin’s wrong. I’m fine.”  
“Are you sure?” This time Arthur’s brows furrowed in irritation.

“I said I’m fine, Hosea. Stop askin’.”

“Arthur please-”

“I said _stop_!” Arthur glared at him, his eyes filled with a wall of fierce rage that hid every other emotion behind it. Hosea held his hands up apologetically, and for a moment they stayed like that, but then Arthur scoffed and got up, leaving Hosea to watch him go.

After he was gone, Hosea thought about his next course of action. He couldn’t keep asking Arthur like this, it was too direct, and nobody else seemed to be inclined to notice, so continuing to ask them would be a waste. He needed to find a way to indirectly get information from Arthur. Getting him drunk and letting him spill all of his woes was an option, but money was tight at the moment and spending it, albeit on a good purpose, wasn’t wise. Wait. Wait. He could get his hands on Arthur’s journal. After all he’d been using it more often. Hosea smiled. He had a plan.

 

~

 

Hosea put his plan into action that night. When he knew Arthur to be asleep, Hosea crept into his tent and searched for his journal. It took a few close calls with Arthur turning in his sleep, but he was able to sneak his son’s journal out and into his own tent.

Once he was seated on his bed with the lantern lit, Hosea took a deep breath and opened the journal. He started with the most recent entry. It wasn’t very long, about half a page, but Hosea could tell the anger and uncertainty in the writing.

  


_Hosea needs to stop asking about me. I’m fine._

 

 _I’m Fine_ _. I’M FINE._ **_I’M FINE_** _._

_I can’t tell him. I can’t tell anyone. I mean, they’ll all find out sooner or later, one way or another, won’t they? A big event like that? News travels, even to a gang of outlaws. I can’t tell him. I can’t tell them._

  


Hosea frowned. Clearly Arthur wasn’t fine, and it was because he’d done something big, something that would travel. Still, it wasn’t enough to understand what exactly his boy was upset over. So he flipped a page back. And there he found something terrifyingly beautiful.

On both pages spanned a drawing Hosea had to flip the journal vertical to view correctly. It was incredibly dark. Layers upon layers of graphite spread over the pages. Hardly any part that was left clean. And it took a few moments to understand what the drawing was at all, but once he did, dread creeped into Hosea’s heart.

It was a picture of Arthur, undoubtedly Arthur, kissing what looked like the Angel of Death. It wasn’t a passionate kiss either, though the expression Arthur had in the drawing made it appear as if he was relishing it. The kiss looked suffocating. Both of Death’s boney hands were clasped around Arthur’s neck, _squeezing_ and _squeezing_. It’s cloak covered the entire page except for when it melded with Arthur’s own hair, the black of the graphite melting into a softer grey.

God was it horrifying, but oh so beautiful. Arthur had clearly taken time to complete this, and from the emotion Hosea could just _feel_ from _holding_ it, this was one of Arthur’s most revealing pieces. There was anger there, in the cloak. There was hatred in those hands clasped around his boy’s neck. The picture itself was so much that Hosea had to blink back tears and swallow.

Once he composed himself Hosea turned the page again, hoping for a clearer explanation, even though the drawing had been quite enough to tell him something was completely and utterly wrong with his son. On the former pages were other sketches, similar to the Kiss.

In the first Arthur appeared to be drowning, and something, looked as if it was dragging him down. Hundreds of hollow eyes were shining up into the picture, and claws were grasping at his legs.

In the second, someone, not Arthur, appeared to be trapped under a pile of boulders. The person’s face was full of fear and pain and the darkest parts of the drawing were clearly blood spatters and splotches. The person’s hand was reaching out to the page, as if to call for help to someone who wouldn’t respond.

These two drawings made Hosea uneasy. Had someone been trapped, and Arthur couldn’t help them? It seemed unlikely. Arthur wasn’t one to dwell on an accident. But could it be?

Questions bubbling up in his mind, Hosea turned the page again. He froze. Both pages were written over and over and over again with the same phrase.

  


**_I KILLED THEM._ **

  


The writing was frantic and angry and desperate. Tear marks were clear on the page. It was all too much. With a slam Hosea closed the journal and set it with shaking hands beside him on the bed.  He took a deep breath and brushed a hand through his hair.

Poor Arthur. Oh poor Arthur. What had he done to cause this kind of turmoil? He was clearly suffering for it, and wouldn’t talk to anyone about it. What could Hosea do? He couldn’t do anything now. It was late, and his mind was frazzled. He needed some sleep. Then he’d wake up in the morning and take the journal back to Arthur before he woke up.

With a shaky sigh Hosea took up the journal and stored it under his bed before putting out the lantern and laying down on his cot, hoping sleep would come to him.

 

~

 

Hosea woke up with a jolt. His eyes snapped open and fear raced through his veins. A hand had wrapped itself around his shirt and was pulling him upward into the furious face of Arthur Morgan.

“Where is it! Where is my journal!” Hosea gulped, putting his hands up in surrender.

“It-It’s under my bed, Arthur! I’m sorry!” Arthur immediately let go and rummaged around under the cot, pulling out the leather bound book and stashing it away in seconds.

“ _What did you see?_ ” The young man’s eyes were wild with anger and panic. His fists were balled by his side and his teeth were clenched tight.

“The- the last few pages, but nothing more! I promise! I-I was just worried about you! You didn’t want to talk to m-”

“Of course I didn’t want to talk to ya!” Hosea could tell Arthur was breaking, his voice cracked and his breathing was becoming faster. “You’d’ve just said it was an accident! You’d’ve said it was all okay! It’s _not_!” Tears were pricking Arthur’s eyes, and he looked like he was ready to crumble.

“Okay. Okay, it’s not okay. Whatever you did wasn’t okay, I get that. But son, I need to know what happened so I can understand why it’s hurting you like this, so I can understand why it’s not okay.” Hosea reached his hands out for his boy. That must have been the key, because the next moment the first sob racked Arthur’s body and he came crashing down into Hosea’s arms.

Hosea wrapped himself around his son and held him tight as he cried. The two sat there for a long time, and Arthur finally stopped when the tip of the sun began to peak over the horizon. Slowly he backed away from Hosea, wiping his eyes and sniffling as he went. His hands were clenched against the bed sheets. Even though he had stopped crying, Hosea could tell his hurt hadn’t lessened.

“Arthur, what happened?” He placed a gentle hand on the young man’s shoulder gripping it to give Arthur courage.

“It’s-it’s a lot.” A shaky breath escaped Arthur’s body and he shuddered.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Hosea reassured. He got a glance from the boy next to him.

“Okay.” Arthur closed his eyes for a few moments as he took a deep breath, then opened them as he exhaled.

“I was all the way over in Annesburg. Lookin’ for a bounty. A-and I found him. Chased him to the mines. Then- then we got into a fight. A gun fight. He shot me in the shoulder right before I could shoot him, and my shot went wild.” He paused and shuddered, and when he next spoke his voice cracked. “My bullet- ignited the dynamite storage that they had in the mine. I- I- The whole place _collapsed_ . I was lucky enough to get out in time, but- but everyone else. There were over _50 people_ in there. And I killed them _all_.” His head was in his hands now, and his body shook violently.

“Oh Arthur. That wasn’t your fault. It was an accident.”

“It doesn’t _feel_ like no accident.” Hosea sighed and pulled Arthur into a tight hug. He was going to fix this. Arthur would be okay. That he would promise.

**Author's Note:**

> There's a lot to unpack here tbh, but I'll let y'all do that.
> 
> But anyways, thank you for reading! I hope it was all right. This was my first time writing both Arthur and Hosea, so I hope I got their characters even a little bit right.


End file.
